I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
