what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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