Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
