I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
