you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
