My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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