Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
