Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
