It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize