I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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