3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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