Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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