Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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