i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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