for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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