You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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