Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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