Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
