So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize