... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
