He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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