New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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