how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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