I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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