dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
