my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Buhtt sex?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
