I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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