It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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