Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
