Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
