He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
whose ass print is on the piano?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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