doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
