don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize