I accidentally had phone sex last night
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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