She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
