Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
