I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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