i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
