it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
