I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
