Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
