Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
