I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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