I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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