Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
