the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
