I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
