Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
