he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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