Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
