I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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