I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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