Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
