life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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