Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize