just survived the first fart of the relationship.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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