Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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