Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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