Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
