So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
