He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
