i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
