Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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