Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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