Your dad touched me again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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