Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Drunk is a universal language darling
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