Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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