: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
