she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I will be naked everywhere
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Pants are for mortals
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
