I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
