Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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