Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
