I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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