I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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