Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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