Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
