I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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