I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize