Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and she was petting her beer can
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
