Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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