Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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