Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
