I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
