just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize