I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
