I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
