I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
