Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
