I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
