Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
