I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
as a side note pls kill me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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