can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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