You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
