I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize