I'm pants shitting drunk right now
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
