I heard we made out
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
