who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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