I smell stomach acid.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
