What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
