He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
