It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
