Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
