i jhust puked up my retainher.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
