Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize